Photo of the Day

Some people consider dandelions to be weeds, but I think they're beautiful!

Covet List - Accessories Edition

 

1.) french connection solar clutch
2.) anthropologie expedition obi belt
3.) leather feather headband
4.) kate spade riley sunglasses
5.) orla keily boulevard big zip
6.) chainchainchained little scissors necklace
7.) uo lightweight socks

Photo of the Day

George and I are homebodies. We enjoy watching movies on the couch, and hanging out. I like to mess around in the kitchen. But Noah cannot be contained when the weather is warm (and we don't want to contain him either). He gets giddy when he wakes up and sees that it's a sunny day because he can go OUTSIDE! We went out the other day to kick a bouncy ball around. Those are the types of days where everything becomes worth it!

Brave

I've never really been a brave person. Sure I've survived through difficult situations, but at the end of the day I will always choose the route that requires the least amount of conflict. I choose not to be a bother to someone else, even when I'm encouraged to feel that I am not a bother. I have ideas that I fear executing because I don't want to be judged by others. I also worry that I will not live up to my own expectations.

These issues are admittedly crippling. It's also behavior that I must discourage myself from exhibiting in front of Noah because I want him to believe in himself and his dreams.

So in my effort to break free, I decided to create my own Mighty Life List so I can begin to work on myself. In order to complete a lot of these things on my list I have to be brave. While I am relishing the thought of experiencing and learning the things on my list, I have an ultimate goal. I want to be able to love myself unconditionally.

While I understand that creating this list is just the first step, I am looking forward to crossing items off the list, and will keep track of it. I believe that all of these bullet points are achievable, and will contribute to my quest of fulfillment. 

• take 500 pictures with a digital SLR
• write daily for 1 month straight
• take George and Noah to Israel
• make a hand-blown glass mug
• visit all 50 states
• bake 100 new things
• all girls road trip
• wine in Napa
• start a pottery business
• create the family recipe book
• go on that honeymoon with George
• do 100 over-the-top things for other people
• master an ancient technique
• finish remodeling and re-decorating the house
• take a trip to the rainforest
• make a quilt from the baby clothes
• be able to donate a large sum to a worthy cause
• be financially comfortable
• run a marathon
• plan a retreat
• go on a full-day hiking adventure
• take a cooking class in France
• be comfortable with myself when I dance
• wear a bikini to the beach
• create a photo book of the sunrise and sunset
• spend a week without a car
• speak Hebrew fluently again
• write a novel
• find a female mentor
• introduce Noah to good seafood
• throw a party for a huge celebration
• have another child
• write a letter to my English teacher
• take a creative writing class
• maintain a vegetable garden for a full summer
• help build a home
• spend a week in a cottage on the beach
• quit this career
• read a book under a lilac tree
• pick 50 different fruits with Noah
• practice yoga
• give a heartfelt toast at a wedding
• paint something I would want to hang on my wall
• go fishing for the first time
• make my own journal (learn bookbinding)
• regularly recycle
• learn how to cartwheel
• plant a tree
• draw a portrait of Noah
• finish the degree
• Argentina in the Winter
• overcome my fear of riding a bike
• give George the window seat on a cross-Atlantic plane trip
• go kayaking
• make homemade ice cream
• drive a tractor
• learn how to drive a stick shift
• take a mudbath
• get buried in sand
• learn the names of the constellations
• tea in Japan
• meet a president
• front row at a cavs game
• be part of a book club
• bake for a bake sale
• gather eggs directly from a chicken coup in a basket
• explore the New Seven Wonders of the World
• ride a horse again
• volunteer at an animal shelter
• ride on a hot air balloon for gram
• learn how to use a letterpress
• view a play on Broadway
• own a sewing machine and sew a dress for myself
• soak in a claw foot tub
• buy something large at an antique shop
• teach Noah how to read
• take a women's studies class
• take 100 public tours in Ohio
• tile a floor by myself
• catalog a media collection
• go see a movie alone
• learn 200 new games
• cook rissotto
• learn how to dive
• solve a difficult math problem
• become encouraging of other people's dreams
• design a textile
• find a perfect shade of lipstick for me
• be able to cook 200 different soups successfully
• carve a toy out of wood
• throw a football far and accurately
• discover my own religious beliefs
• take a surfing lesson
• work on a ranch for a day
• take a tour of castles in the UK
• jury duty
• save 6 months worth of salary
• take a mediteranean cruise
• host a formal dinner party
• go meatless for a month

Aba

My father's parents were Holocaust survivors who immigrated to Israel after the war. They helped build up the land into a thriving, rich country. My grandparents own a farm with turkeys and cows and olive trees. They make their living off of hard work, nourished by a very stubborn dessert earth.

My father was raised to work hard and love your family. He was taught how to cook food, milk cows, and value an education. He knows how to make eggplant delicious 500 times over. He also knows what it's like to relax after a long day, and laugh at jokes at family gatherings.

When my mom and dad got married they tried to live the life that my grandparents started. But it wasn't for them. My mom grew up in the states and missed the conveniences of home. So they packed their bags and two small children and moved here.

Miles away from where he grew up, my father created an environment in our home that was similar to how he grew up. He fiercely loves his family, and believes that hard work will get you far in life. He works two jobs, and takes care of my mom, and her mother. He looks forward to phone calls from my sister and me. He is a very proud man.

I am looking forward to instilling the values passed down from his parents to my son.

I call him Aba, and today is his birthday. I hope he has a fantastic day! I love him very much.

Town

We did not anticipate children when we first decided to move to this town. We got a great deal on the house and it was convenient to the freeway. But through the years and different life events, we have become smitten. This small town features a 50s vibe where children ride their bikes up and down the street and residents walk to work every day. I call it Pleasantville and was incredibly freaked out by it when we moved in. You can't really find it in too many places these days, but at this point I am truly smitten.

Things I enjoy

I think along with having a growing list of my quirks, I am going to maintain a running list of things I enjoy.

• ice cream
• flowers
• sleeping in
• a cool breeze on a hot day
• lemonade at the fair
• a road trip
• family dinner night with other couples
• taking pictures of the kid
• a trip to target for new reason but to spend some cash
• cozying up under a blanket
• good red wine
• an evening, a dvd, a couch, and a husband
• choosing pictures to hang and hanging them
• daydreaming
• turning nothing into something
• baking from scratch
• following a recipe with good results
• creating lists

Photo of the Day

Having Noah around forces us to spend a lot of time outside when it's warm. Fun!

Photo of the Day

When the summer time comes I anticipate many days running around outside shoeless, enjoying the feeling of the earth below.

Commiserating

Right now the city of Cleveland is crying. My city, the one I was raised in has been defeated yet again. This is a story that is told over and over again multiple times a year for various teams within the community. This is a city that is used to the drink of sorrow over another loss. It's the same story, different year.

Right now I am focusing more than ever on improving myself. I am working toward becoming the person I truly want to be. I am determined to change my path and grow along the ways.

This all seems familiar. For the past few years I've witnessed the team suffer immense defeat, only to be swept up in the optimism of a fresh new season the following Fall. Despite the loss, the team comes back feeling rejuvenated and confident. A few months after an immense failure, the city starts awakening, and people start to cheer again.

That is an inspiring aspect of being on the losing end. The losing side has felt the raw emotions of disappointment, and yet they come back as determined as ever to turn it around and better themselves. Wherever there is a loss there is a chance for improvement, and despite the fact that expectations may be broken again, those expectations are not faltered.

I dislike watching a team that I have grown to respect throughout a season of watching them play loose. I would much rather see them figure out their issues and win, though at the same time that defeat is what humanizes those guys who this city is so in awe of. I can't wait for next year when hope is restored and the growth begins.

Though I hope my growth will begin sooner than the Fall, I feel inspired right now to pick up my pieces and put them together in a way that makes sense to me. My life is very good right now, but I still don't feel like I am a winner, and I need to change that just like this city.

Photo of the Day

May has been fickle as of late. Half the month so far has been full of cloudy, rainy days and cold weather. I've found myself looking at old pictures of flowers to remind myself that summer is just around the corner.

A Simple Kind of Life

When I was younger, I envisioned a future wearing hippie dresses, and making jewelry on the beach. I believed that I could make a small living selling my merchandise to tourists, and that everything I owned could be packed in one suitcase. I could not envision other people impeding on that life.

And then at the urging of my parents I went to school for a year, and met my future husband. My direction took a turn, and I suddenly found a reason for staying put.

Now we have a mortgage, a family, and I am the sole financial provider for our family. I catch myself daydreaming about those lazy days at the beach, and can miss the art that I could have been creating.

I currently do not make jewelry, or paint, or do some of the other creative things I want to do. I have a complex where I believe that nothing will be good enough for my standard, so why bother. This year I plan on breaking the complex and start. Even prodigy's need to practice their skills. I don't think I will ever really want to trade my home for a romanticized life on the beach, but I can make the efforts required to be true to myself.

Love & Marriage

As time passes in a marriage it becomes easy to forget the intricate dance of a relationship starting. Things are always different when you're completely intoxicated at the idea of getting to know someone, and are attracted to them, and can't imagine how life could ever suck with them in it.

George still refers to the time in our relationship when I refused to get out of his car so he could go to work. We had just spent a lot of time together, and he was dropping me off at my dorm. We sat in his car, parked and embracing, and I did not want to leave. Every waking moment at that time was spent being with him, or thinking about him. We would be seeing each other later, but for some reason I really did not want to leave. Yes, I was one crazy girl. Our relationship nearly ended that day.

But then time passed, and slowly things started to get comfortable. We began to know each other, and love each other, and respect each others work schedule. We started a life together, and a family. Things are relatively good.

I've witnessed marriages fall apart, some even prior to starting. I still am not quite sure how to maintain a lasting marriage. I do know that I am still madly in love with my husband. I know that he is a great man, a great husband, and a great father. I know that I am happier when we are happier, and that I still don't like to be away from him for too long.

Quirks

I've been told I'm weird by plenty of people in my lifetime, so I've decided to keep a running list of all of my pet peeves and quirks in no particular order.

• The roll of toilet paper has to be on the toilet paper holder, not on the toilet
• The two stacks of bowls in my cabinet have to be equal
• Each matryoshka doll in the stack has to line up perfectly
• Photo frames that are lined up have to be angled
• When I change the cat litter, I have to wear a shower cap
• Chalkboard should never EVER be scratched, period
• If the car in front of me leaves their blinker on, I have to pass them

Rain (or excuses)

Holy batman! We just had a very quick rain storm that ravaged the neighborhood. No really... our tornado siren started blaring, and then our basement flooded. We have an outdoor stairway that leads down to an entryway in the basement. Whenever leaves get stuck in the gutter at the bottom of the stairwell (every time) the water doesn't have anywhere to go. So whenever a bad storm hits, we typically have a bit of water leak in. Today we got the mother load of water which soaked the carpet in a different part of the basement. George is working on drying up the room at the moment, but we really need to find a solution to prevent the flooding in the first place.

Working on My (mental) Fitness

It's my 5th morning waking up too late to run. Every night I go to bed, excitedly making sure the alarm clock is set to 5:30, so I will have enough time to run, shower, and go to work. Everyday, I am awoken by a random easy listening tune blaring right through my dreams. Instead of waking up, I simply turn off the alarm, wake up at 7, and continue with my day, all the while thinking that 5:30 tomorrow will be my first run.

I want to be a runner, and believe that I'm healthy enough to start. I have every capability to do this, but I have some sort of mental block. I chose the 5:30 a.m. time frame because I felt that was ideal for me. It's before Noah wakes up, so I won't be missing time with him, it's cool enough outside so that the heat doesn't overpower me. And finally, there is no one outside to see me make a fool of myself.

When starting out, I know that I will not be a perfect runner, I know that there will be stops to breath, and so I want to work on this when the rest of the world is still.

So the plan right now is to set the alarm for tomorrow, and try again. But I don't know if I'll be able to do it until I figure out this mental block.

Babies on The Brain

I adore our son. I think he's the bee's knees. So when I find out people are expecting babies, you would expect me to get ecstatic; the type of girl who gets giddy at the thought of babies. However, I think I'm mostly indifferent.

Finding out someone you know is expecting their first child changes everything. Since I have a child, my perspective is different, and I feel like instead of a naive thrill, all I can sense is impending doom. And I think of these couples with their laid back lifestyles, and then their penchant for freaking out over minor issues at work, and I worry a little. While I know that people understand what they're doing when they choose to have a child, I'm not quite sure that they grasp what's going to happen, and it's very interesting.


For instance, one week after we brought Noah home from the hospital, after a particularly rough night, I was up before my husband breast feeding in a little corner chair in our room. I felt that my entire life was going to be a sleepless, desperate, sore disaster, and we were doomed with this baby in the house. As George awakened, and started getting ready for work, my mind became consumed with jealousy. How dare he go to work while I had a baby attached to my boob all day with absolutely no chance of napping because I was still in pain from labor and being sick. Instead of reacting like a normal person, and expressing my fear of the day I asked George if it was too late to give Noah up for adoption. Of course he laughed, which made me angrier, but I was serious.

In that very moment I realized just what we had done. While we were in love with the idea of having a baby while I was pregnant, we had no idea what we were getting into. A few sleepless nights, and a sore body later, and I understood the immense responsibility that we were taking on. A moment later I decided to keep him, but I still think of that moment whenever a new pregnancy is announced, and I can't wait to witness their aha moment when it happens.

Projects

There must be something in the air, because I am obsessed, Obsessed, OBSESSED with cleaning lately. I'm not talking about the usual dishes, laundry, and dusting that normally goes on around here. I am ravaging the house looking for things to donate, toss, or organize.

Amongst the closets, and drawers, I have taken on the project of creating a playroom. In the past I've noticed that Noah tends to dump all the toys out that are stacked in a bucket at the side of the living room like a bulldozer throwing dirt around. There is never really a purpose to his playing, and he walks away from his toys immediately after. We've gotten the hang of cleanup time, but I think that if I create an organized room dedicated to playing, it will get utilized.


Current plans for the room include a chalkboard wall, calming blue walls, shelving and labeled clear plastic storage buckets. It will continue to be a work in progress, but I believe that it will be beneficial at the end of the day. Before and After pics to come...

The Finger

Last Friday was business as usual. I came to the office and started my day. I made a few phone calls, and started adding content into the html template I was modifying. All along, I was cheerfully chatting with George on aim. We send each other links of things we think are funny, or that we think the other one should read.

Then this gem of a conversation occurred:

My heart immediately started pounding. I have a 1 hour commute, and George stays home with our 2 year old, Noah. This wasn't an ideal situation, but it was workable. He could bandage it up, and wait until I finished my work for the morning. Changing diapers would probably be difficult for him, but it wasn't his main hand, and if Noah cooperated, it would be ok. And then this:



I promptly sent my "Taking a personal day" email, slammed my laptop shut, and left the office. Throughout the car ride I kept picturing my husband past out, finger bleeding, and Noah running around him yelling "Dada Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!"

When I got home about 40 minutes later, he was cooking steak. "It was out defrosting," he shrugged. I sighed, exasperated at the amount of stress he had caused me with little remorse. He decided against getting stitches, and I got a day off work to take care of my whimpering husband.

Or why I will never be rich...

We've been home owners for about 3 years now. We have a good part of the house in a relatively comfortable spot as far as decor goes. We've sacrificed things we've wanted in order to make sure our son has everything he needs. But lately, I've been coveting things. This doesn't necessarily mean I'll get anything on the list, but a girl can dream. Right now the running list includes running shoes, perfume, another pair of jeans, headboard, t-shirt bra, pajamas, area rugs for the house, headphones, a dining room table, and a smartphone. There's a good chance I can slowly work my way through some of this list.

Daily Ritual

When I was younger, I found writing to be very therapeutic. I would get mad at a friend, or myself, and break out my little composition notebook, and by the time I finished my rant, I would feel better. As I slowly stopped writing, I found that I missed it, and would catch myself thinking "I should write tonight". But as the night would approach, and I'd catch myself yawning, I'd go to bed without a word being written. I bought pretty journals hoping to be inspired to write, but I still ignored that urge to write. I'm hoping to reverse that this month, and start writing daily. I've got stories that I'd like to get out, and I want to work on improving my writing skills. This is something that I want to do for myself just because writing has always been enjoyable for me.