Babies on The Brain

I adore our son. I think he's the bee's knees. So when I find out people are expecting babies, you would expect me to get ecstatic; the type of girl who gets giddy at the thought of babies. However, I think I'm mostly indifferent.

Finding out someone you know is expecting their first child changes everything. Since I have a child, my perspective is different, and I feel like instead of a naive thrill, all I can sense is impending doom. And I think of these couples with their laid back lifestyles, and then their penchant for freaking out over minor issues at work, and I worry a little. While I know that people understand what they're doing when they choose to have a child, I'm not quite sure that they grasp what's going to happen, and it's very interesting.

For instance, one week after we brought Noah home from the hospital, after a particularly rough night, I was up before my husband breast feeding in a little corner chair in our room. I felt that my entire life was going to be a sleepless, desperate, sore disaster, and we were doomed with this baby in the house. As George awakened, and started getting ready for work, my mind became consumed with jealousy. How dare he go to work while I had a baby attached to my boob all day with absolutely no chance of napping because I was still in pain from labor and being sick. Instead of reacting like a normal person, and expressing my fear of the day I asked George if it was too late to give Noah up for adoption. Of course he laughed, which made me angrier, but I was serious.

In that very moment I realized just what we had done. While we were in love with the idea of having a baby while I was pregnant, we had no idea what we were getting into. A few sleepless nights, and a sore body later, and I understood the immense responsibility that we were taking on. A moment later I decided to keep him, but I still think of that moment whenever a new pregnancy is announced, and I can't wait to witness their aha moment when it happens.

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